Cuban Pete (a.k.a. Lord Madhammer, a.k.a. Skydive, a.k.a....) is a founding member of (and frequent poster on) TFINO. He has lightning-fast fingers and I guess once wrote a rock opera or something. He also writes a blog. Pete is one of the remaining members of the so-called "INH Elders", dating back to his early involvement with INH 2.0 on TFans.
Because of this internet specialness, Pete is among the oldest, wisest, and most powerful of all of TFINO. It is rumored that he can conjure truth-based facts and arguments within seconds, much faster than any other TFINO member.
He may also not be Cuban at all.
2004-2005: The Golden YearsEdit
Cuban Pete began his life on the internet as "Lord Madhammer" in the spring of 2004, at the Transformers fan site TFans.com (now TFormers.com). Like others, Pete serendipitously happened to join TFans shortly before the fabled INH (Insert Name Here) spam forum re-opened its doors. He quickly gained a reputation as a guy who really liked to post a lot.
At about this time, Pete also discovered the Transformers: Generation 2 comics, which captivated him instantly with its depictions of giant chins and teeth. He soon latched onto the character of Megatron, and has never really let go of him since. (Debate remains as to whether Pete prefers the green or purple tank version.) Having forged his online identity, Pete began to contribute to the now-legendary MS Paint Wars, brandishing his trademark weapon known only as "Swordy". Pete's other contributions to INH included the INH Map, which showed the IRL locations of INH members (represented by their INH Kids).
Pete posted the first of several fan fictions at this time, entitled "The Secret Origin of Lord Madhammer". He claimed that the entire thing was tongue-in-cheek, but don't you believe him.
In the wake of an INH invasion (planned and executed by a group of ex-Mayhemers), Pete decided that it was time for a change. No longer feeling content to be known as "Lord Madhammer", he put in his first name change request. He had recently discovered Transformers: Beast Machines, and wanted to change his name to "Silverbolt" (in an unwelcome moment of fan-sincerity). However, that name was taken and Pete settled on "Skydive." Needless to say, this change did not go over well with Pete's friends, who had grown accustomed to the gruff, douchey persona so readily evoked by G2 Megatron. Skydive, by contrast, was a gangly, ugly bird thing, and it was suspected that he had hippie tendencies as well.
Pete wrote a follow-up fan fiction, "The Illustrious Adventures of Skydive", as an attempt to sell this new persona to the TFans public. It didn't work, and Pete ended up reverting his "Skydive" character back to "Lord Madhammer" in the final chapter.
2006-2007: Loss of InnocenceEdit
A series of name changes (accompanied by corresponding changes in online persona) followed, ultimately leading Pete to the extremely unfortunate choice of "Lord Manhammer." Pete had used his original name, "Lord Madhammer", for some time, dating all the way back to a Juno e-mail account created in 1997. It was chosen as a knowing, sarcastic reference to Richard "Ringo" Langly's D&D character name, since Pete has always had an uneasy relationship with his own fanboyness. However, once Pete discovered that he had misheard the name all these years, and that it was in actuality "Lord Manhammer", Pete's OCD brain told him that he needed to change his name accordingly.
Of course, it didn't take Pete long to realize that his new name had potent homoerotic overtones, and he soon regretted his decision. It was at this moment that fate struck its cruelest blow. Pete's name change request back to "Lord Madhammer" was denied, sending Pete into a spiral of angst unrivaled by any before or since (with the possible exception of the 80's Tees Controversy of 2008). The damage to Pete's ego (despite his name change back to "Lord Madhammer" finally being approved) eventually led him to act in an increasingly petulant and entitled manner, indirectly giving rise to the Estate. Pete also decided upon a new online persona at this time: "Red Son" Superman. His lesser-known fan fictions, "Epilogue" and "Moonlight" were written during this time. The first was matched in its fanboyness only by its bleak, depressing outlook. The second was written entirely for lulz, and reflected a brief resurgence of interest in slashfiction within INH. Or at least between Pete and Hot Rod.
At the same time, Pete decided to start the splinter board "Toxic Apocalypse." Ostensibly, Toxic Apocalypse was a site where Pete and friends could discuss issues not normally discussed at TFans, namely religion and politics. In reality, however, it served as Pete's internet control hub where he could reign supreme, undisturbed by people who would dare deny him his wishes. This was visualized by Pete's adoption of the giant floating Megatron head from Beast Machines as his new persona. Toxic Apocalypse had a promising start, but ultimately met its demise in an ignominious religion debate between Pete and Wikkid.
2007-2008: The Final ReckoningEdit
Pete eventually returned full-time to TFans with a slightly less dickheaded attitude, which was helped by witnessing the flameout of former Estate member Guld, who started his own splinter board known as The Guld Guild. IRL issues remained a factor for Pete, and as a cathartic exercise he began writing Rodimus Prime's Blog, which made him laugh a lot.
For reasons that are still unknown, Pete was actually made a moderator at TFans, and quickly rose through the ranks to become an admin at the site. (I know, right?) Pete decided to use his new-found powers for good, but then decided that that would be retarded. While publicly working with site owner Wheel-Jack (a.k.a. BaCon) to improve TFans (soon to be renamed TFormers) as well as the larger ENI network of sites, Pete also embarked on a Palpatine-like agenda to get a certain staff member de-modded. Pete's plans with TFormers and ENI never came to fruition, but the de-modding was a brilliant success.
The good times were not to last, however. Upon BaCon's de-modding and subsequent banning of Hot Rod from TFormers (at the conclusion of the 80's Tees Controversy of 2008), Pete immediately resigned his position as admin, citing "not enough time" or some similar bullshit excuse. In reality, Pete had been stung by the treatment of his online friend, and didn't want to be affiliated with TFormers anymore. Pete's attitude soon began to sour again, approaching the critical levels of 2006. It was at this time that Pete began what eventually became known as TFINO, as a "placeholder" if things were to go awry at TFormers. In a ironic catch-22 of epic proportions, Pete's creation of this splinter board eventually led to his banning from TFormers, thus ensuring that he would only be posting at TFINO from that point forward.
Pete likes to take things a bit easier these days. Or so he claims. In reality, he's the same cherry-flavored douche he's always been. Just don't call him Manhammer.
Stuff Pete LikesEdit
What, if anything, Pete actually likes (or can enjoy in any way) is a subject of intense debate. Usually between Pete and everybody else. However, Pete has claimed to like the following things at one time or another:
This is the new show, mind you. Not the old one. But he did enjoy that one as a kid, what little he saw of it. He used to have a Cylon Raider toy, which was pretty sweet.
Anyway, he queefs mightily over the new show.
Distinguishing Himself From FanboysEdit
Pete likes to believe that, despite his love of children's properties from the 70's and 80's, he is not in fact a fanboy. He feels most comfortable expressing this point of view when discussing comics, as he gravitated more toward toys and cartoons as a child. And as an adolescent. And as a teenager. In fact, it is widely believed that Pete's sense of self-loathing goes hand in hand with his fanboy tendencies, since he only got into Transformers once he was too old to be playing with toys and watching kids' cartoons. And there was also the He-Man Incident of 1984 in which Pete was literally shamed out of liking a property. But then, it was He-Man.
The Harry Potter BooksEdit
Pete will be quick to point out to anyone interested (as well as anyone not interested) that the books are completely superior in every possible way to the movies. So far, this information campaign has been ineffective in getting Hunter to read the things.
His Own ChildhoodEdit
This is a subject of ongoing debate, but certain aspects of Pete's childhood have been positively identified as remaining unsullied by the dark, bitter core of what was once his soul. This includes such diverse things as "The Muppet Show," big wheels, and masturbation.
The Matrix TrilogyEdit
Yes, "Trilogy". All three. Pete still loves them. Give him a chance and he'll tell you why, in excruciating detail. Pete majored in philosophy and religion, and doesn't get to talk about that stuff very often.
Pete is a Serious Musician, and as such has been known to speak disdainfully of Guitar Hero / Rock Band games. This despite owning "Guitar Hero II: Rock of the 80's". It is thought that he disparages these games to distract from the fact that he sucks at them.
Pete played bass guitar in a "popular campus band" during his college years, and later served as music director at his church before the Great Angstening of 2002.
Any genuine musical credibility that Pete might possess is completely rendered moot by his love of ABBA.
Oh, honey. This could be its own Wiki entry.
Like, on Wikipedia.
Like most members of TFINO, Pete has a mighty nostalgic love for the Transformers toy line and cartoon of the 1980's. (But not the comics, except for this one Headmasters issue he bought when he was on vacation in Colorado.) In particular, Pete has a strong affinity for the second season of the Transformers cartoon, as well as the toys of that era. He is far more ambivalent about the later third season of the show, especially once he finally realized that the show sucked donkey balls after Transformers: The Movie. This realization was difficult for Pete to process, as he had believed for years that Rodimus Prime was not in fact a whiny douche who needed a good ass kicking.
Pete discovered "Beast Wars" and "Beast Machines" upon joining the online fandom, and fell in love with both shows instantly. Though Pete's love for Beast Machines approaches genuinely disturbing levels.
The "animeformers" series of Robots in Disguise, Armada, Energon and Cybertron left Pete increasingly disinterested in the Transformers franchise. Pete spent much of this time attempting to convince himself that he really liked Alternators.
Pete's interest renewed itself in the buildup to the 2007 Transformers movie, which Pete thoroughly enjoyed. He enjoyed less the subsequent suicide-inducing debates about whether or not a certain character sufficiently resembled their 25-year-old cartoon incarnation.
The greatest resurgence of Pete interest in Transformers occurred at the premiere of Transformers: Animated, which he watched with his children. A splendid time was had by all. Upon the cancellation of Transformers: Animated and the complete shitfest that was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Pete decided that he could no longer afford to lend his heart to this franchise, and instead retreated into a warm, safe cocoon of G1 nostalgia.
Visionaries (They're Knights of the Magical Light)Edit
It was a great fix after Transformers got cancelled in 1987. Pete owned Arzon, Witterquick, Cravex, and Darkstorm. Cravex may have been his favorite one, but it's hard to say. God, that stuff was awesome. If they ever made new figures of these guys MOTUC-style, Pete would buy every. figure. they. owned.
Sources of AngstEdit
- People Who Talk During Return of the King
- The Star Wars Prequels
- Lack of Classics/Universe/Animated Stunticons
- Speaking of Which, Transformers: Animated (cancellation / lack of every G1 character being remade as an Animated toy)
- Being Called Out on His Toy Selling Thing (see below)
Favorite Fictional CharactersEdit
- Darth Vader
- Luke Skywalker
- Rodimus Prime
- Powermaster Optimus Prime
- Megatron (G2)
- Megatron (Beast Machines)
- Optimus Primal (Beast Machines)
"Stuff I Got" / "Endcap (In Name Only)" CorollaryEdit
It is common knowledge on TFINO that when Cuban Pete acknowledges purchasing of a toy of any kind, an unofficial countdown begins to when Pete inevitably tires of said toy and sells it to a fellow board member. Recent examples include:
- Henkei Skyfire
- Toys "R" Us Commemorative Reissue Insecticons
- That thing he's going to buy next week
In more extreme cases, Pete has been known to give toys he's no longer enamored with to his kids, or even throw unloved toys in the garbage. The garbage!
When Pete tells you he bought something you might want to own at some point, call dibs early and often. Cuban Pete never takes a lover for long, meaning he's forever producing sloppy seconds.
Serious Business (srz bzns)Edit
To know Cuban Pete is to know when he is all "srsz bzns"! This is achieved when he starts typing out in complete and correctly punctuated sentences.
Things that are known to make Cuban Pete all srz bzns:
- Anything Star Wars
- Rounds with RDD in the Political Forum
Other aliases include:
- Farm Boy
- Optimal Madhammer
- Lord Manhammer
- Texas Pete
- Big Daddy
- Luke Skywalker
- Annikin Starkiller (Guld Guild)
- Lord Megahead (Toxic Apocalypse)
PEOPLE HE HATESEdit